The dog who cried “Man!”

If you keep a large dog in a small house or apartment – you deserve to have it bite you. And your children.

A recent article in the Sydney Morning Herald (2-3 May, 2009) reported that “Dog attacks are more common in inner-city areas than in the western suburbs.” Well, duh. People in the western suburbs, as gullied up as they may be, are at least imbued with the common-sense understanding that large dogs need large spaces. Staffordshire terriers, Australian cattle dogs and German shepards are the three biggest offenders of biting attacks. With “263 attacks in people, which resulted in 169 injuries, 23 hospitalisations and one death” so far this year. And it’s only May, people.

Look, I don’t care how small your penis is or how desperately insecure a woman you are from watching too many episodes of Today Tonight – You should not have a big dog if you live in a densely populated area. You don’t! I’m no PETA-donating vegetarian, but I like dogs. I feel for dogs. And I understand why dogs who are kept chained up or cooped up all day in tight confines may snap. It’s not their fault – it’s their brain-dead owner’s fault. How feral would you turn if someone locked you up in a room the size of a bed all day long? 

And, perhaps, most upsetting about all this is the pathetic euphemisms we use to spare the feelings of us over-sensitive humans. Especially, if they are directly at fault. Offending dogs aren’t killed. Hey, we don’t even say “put down” anymore. Too inhumane. Instead, we use the terms “disposed of” or “destroyed” – as if they were no different from any other faulty consumer item. Which, sadly, is how too many self-centred yuppies consider them. I may be a snob, but I draw the line at being directly responsible for the prolonged suffering of anyone that lives under my roof.

The breeds that bite don’t need to be made illegal, stupidity needs to be made illegal.