Vitamin Water contains no vitamins

vitamin-waterI knew it. You just can’t trust Coca-Cola to sell you anything other than re-branded sugar water. And now the chickens are coming home to roost.

Vitamin Water is being sued for allegedly misleading customers about its nutritional information. The funny thing about it is that rapper 50 Cent is also being sued along-side Coca-Cola for being part of the sham – In the US, there is a grape-flavoured version of Vitamin Water called “Formula 50″. For those of us living in Australia, we have no yet been treated to any celebrity cross-promotions of Vitamin Water. But it’s only a matter of time before Delta Goodrem or The Biggest Loser team jumps on-board (they already have an extremely expensive range of Weight Watchers-style microwavable ready meals available in Coles and Woolworths). But let’s not forget for a second; we’re all doing this for the kids. They are our future (of morbidly obese hypochondriacs whose health issues cost the taxpayers billions each year). Let’s not forget that.

The U.S. Center for Science in the Public Interest (CSPI) filed a class action lawsuit against Coca-Cola, claiming they mislead consumers using “buzzwords” in their marketing campaign, such as “defense,” “rescue,” “energy,” and “endurance.” CSPI leader Steven Gardner feels, “It is really shocking that a company like Coca-Cola feels the need to market a soft drink as a vitamin pill to hid the fact it is really sugar water.” (Emax Health). I hope to God they raise enough bad press for Coca-Cola that people stop drinking this crap thinking (mistakenly) that they are doing their bodies a good turn. For $4 AUD a pop, no less. Because I have no hope that the CSPI will actually win this class action, so an out-of-court settlement and a good smear campaign is all we can hope for. At least those of us who actually do care about the future of our great nation.

4 Responses to “Vitamin Water contains no vitamins”

  1. Demelza Bayne Says:

    This is totally bananas. Everyone in my office is totally hooked on this stuff. No wonder there all still a bunch of fatties – myself included. Ups bosco. I’ll put the word round. Let you know how everyone takes it

  2. This is Bullshit really…

  3. Anthony Bosco Says:

    Not sure what you mean, Johnny. But thanks for the comment all the same.

  4. http://www.springerlink.com/content/m34328h82716261u/fulltext.pdf

    According to this link, by averaging the trace vitamin b12 content of the random samples of dirt used in the study, one discovers 100g of dirt has more vitamin b12 than one serving of vitaminwater.

    Unless you’re drinking vitaminwater RESTORE (B+potassium) which has nearly twice as much vitamin b12 as 100g of dirt.

    All this leads me to believe Coca-Cola’s next product will be vitamindirt.

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